First before I start, let me premise by saying that most of these are from old, very old...very, very old...pieces of work I have stuffed into a dark little corner of my attic...never to see the light of day again.... As an aspiring author, I have learned through trial and error...(the hard way) what adjectives work and ...gulp what doesn't... So as embarrassing as the following terms and examples are, I sacrifice my pride so that my fellow aspiring authors know:
Genitalia terminology authors should never ever, never ever, ever use,
Cock-pocket...oh yes people I am so guilty, I once used this term thinking that it made the villain, a sleazy wise-guy type fellow, sound well...sleazy, According to a friend of mine who read the story it sounded like a microwave pastry....
Sweltering jewels...well, how else would one describe the male gonads on a hot mid July day, while receiving a blow-job...I was told that sweaty balls are NOT sexy...
Wirey-bush...OMG...is it me, or does this sound painful...Any one now how to trim one of those...hedge clippers maybe?
Flaming-Flesh Sword...In one of my very few attempts to write a historical/paranormal where the hero had a bright red penis, I used this term to describe it...Talk about smoking after sex...Ouch!
Her hairless clam...Oh man just slap me!
The tiny puckering hole...I don't know about this one, I was drinking unsweetened lemonade at the time...I think.
Made his nine inches of love-loaf rise... (?) huh? I don't even think this story had anything related to baking in it.
....and my personal favorite...He rode her love-tunnel like a speeding locomotive... every time I think of this one I can't help but start singing, "everybody's doing the locomotion...c'mon do the locomotion..." Yeah.
Please keep this list somewhere handy and remember to refer to it as often as possible...especially when you need a laugh.
Until next time...Keep writing, soar high and never give-up!