Saturday, April 9, 2011

Recapturing The Romance In Your Characters...After Kids

The building sexual heat between your main characters is filled with tension – both physical and mental. On the page, they're smoking hot! Off the page, the reader is steaming with mental images.

It's more than sex you've written. Love is introduced. Tender words are spoken both aloud and internally. In the climbing crescendo of passion, they make love and crash down in sated bliss.

Enter the children.

Now what?

It can be difficult to find ways to rebuild fictional romance after kids are introduced. Learn how to put romance back at the top of the priority list.

Sometimes one or both of your characters have children. Those of us with kids know that having kids will turn our lives upside down. We can't fully grasp that concept until said kids actually arrive.

Here's a few ideas on how to find romance and sex for main characters with children, before it becomes scarce.

Make The Relationship A Priority

Unlike the real world where many people mistakenly prioritize like this: kids, career, and then each other. We writers can create it right. Make the H/H realize their relationship is a top priority – which will not only benefit your story, but their fictional kids too.

If both main characters have careers, they need to make time for each other; just as they did for their professions. Little things like cooking a candlelit dinner for their partner will set the scene for a romantic night.

Never Take Each Other for Granted

Sounds like advice from a marriage counselor. And the psychology works for writing too. All couples fall into a rut and forget to appreciate each other. Think of the tension available just in that premise alone!

To bring it back around to romance, have one thank the other when he or she does something nice and grow their relationship stronger. I'll leave it up to your imagination of exactly how the thanking is carried out.

It's not just hitting the laundry basket that makes one hold appreciation for the other. (Although for me, personally, this is a big one around my house) The importance of sex is critical. It's both emotionally connective AND physically rewarding.

When one partner appreciates the efforts (*waggles eyebrows*) of the other…the written scene can be beautiful.

Nurturing the characters' romantic relationship with their partner(s) and making time for intimacy will create physically and emotionally fulfilled scenes that are credible.

What are ways you create romance and intimacy in characters with children? Could it also be a comedy in the making??


Tammy said...

Nice post, Sheri.
I have five kids and for me, it's the secret little touches when no one is looking. Small reminders of what happened the night before or promises of whats to come. Either way, even if nothing else happenes later, life has a way of 'getting in the way', the touch lets you know you're thought of, desired.

Kary said...

I have three kids and life is busy. I always say my husband is the sexiest man I know. He does dishes and can push a mean vacuum. :)

Brenda said...

Cool post! And timely too. In my next novel, the H/H have a son about 10 years old. I will have to weave a renewed relationship between the H/H, the hero and his son getting to know each other for the first time, and their developing relationship, sex, love, and danger.

Martha Ramirez said...

Great post for romance writers. LOL on ur pic.

Sheri Fredricks said...

@ Tammy ~ Thank you for stopping by! Five kids garners you high kudos for patience and a master of seduction on the sly. I bet you have some tried and true wisdom for writers creating their romantic scenes…with children around.

@ Kary ~ Men performing housework IS sexy. I agree wholeheartedly! That'd be a great characteristic in a hero, with brownie points increasing if he cooks too! Thanks for your comment!

@ Brenda ~ I thought about you when I started writing this post. We both have new characters coming down the pike and as you know, it's never too early to start planning. I love your intrigue: Sex, love, and danger!! Looking forward to your next novel.

@ Mart ~ Thanks for coming by. Yeah, I saw that picture and thought about the minds of men. And how they process what is and isn't a priority! LOL

Lisa Kumar said...

Great post, Sheri! Not much romance if a book just focused on the kids! We still want to feel the heat between the H/H, no matter what.

D'Ann said...

Great post, Miz Sheri!

In the Cowboy's Baby, not only do the characters have a child, she is pregnant. LOL. Lots of kids to take away the sexual tension. But I hope it works!

Sheri Fredricks said...

@ Lisa ~ Funny you mention the focus on the kids. I put down a contemporary just for that very reason. Like you, I like the heat! Thanks for stopping by!

@ Miz D'Ann ~ Can't get more real than Cowboy's Baby. Pregnant with a child on the ground? Yeah, LOL, been there too. But the heat can still make steam... Thank you for taking time away from your busy writing schedule to comment!

Zee Monodee said...

Great post, Sheri!

I agree with Tammy - it's in the 'little things', the small touches, the looks across a room full of screaming, bashing-each-other kids (that's my house, btw!).

Something else I think works in both real life and romantic fiction is the fact that you shouldn't take anything for granted. You have to find a way to see your partner as someone sexy, whose bones you want to jump. It's up to you to keep that little spark alive and ready to flare.

I love writing about kids in romance. In fact, the series I just started is based on the premise that a child (baby or grown up) comes unexpectedly into an unsuspecting/unexpected couple's life. :)

Sheri Fredricks said...

@ Zee ~ Kids are a part of life and I'd like to see more paranormals with children in them. That's why contemporaries are great, many characters have children and that's something the reader can identify with. I hear ya on the kids talking with a yell across the room to each other. When the volume goes up at my house, the boys go out. They can compete with the barking dogs and bleating sheep that way. LOL!! As always, thanks for stopping by.