The following post is not meant to sound like a pity party for one, but just an expression of feelings with the hopes of knowing I'm completely normal haven't lost my ever-loving mind...
Have you ever felt completely disconnected form the world around? Just run on auto-pilot barely absorbing what's going on around you? You grab snippets of what's been happening, but have no real desire to investigate further? Well, if not, count yourself lucky! And you should bottle that feeling and sell it, cuz you'd be richer then Bill Gates.
But for those of you, including myself, it's an odd feeling. To know you're not engaged with the world, knowing it's not something you want or need, but having no real motivation to change the circumstances. You just don't give a crap.
For myself, it's been going on for a while now. And as a result, I've set aside my fictional ramblings and have been avoiding my muse like the plague. She checks in more and more frequently these days, sometimes she actually yells at me to get over myself and just start writing, but I immediately dismiss her and lock her back in her cage. I just can't bring myself to write any of her ideas out onto paper.
I've gone as far as to quit all the writing groups I was apart of, and told my lovely CP that I'm no good for her in the hopes that if I rid myself of these things that someday I'll be able to pick up were I left off and finish the stories I've started.
I guess the method behind my madness is that if I completely leave it alone, well ignoring might be a better word, then one day I'll have the curiosity to try it again. Does that make any sense?
There is an editor I know who has told me this is very normal writer behaviour. Doubting your abilities, taking extremes to find that creative streak again, nit-picking every letter of a manuscript and settling for nothing less then perfection.
It's exhausting sometimes, but it's all worth it in the end, right?
I hope I'm not alone, please help a girl out and share your experiences.